Until the wheels come off...

I think I am hitting that point.

How can so many things be going right in my life and so many things be killing me at the same time?

I am blessed in so many ways. I know there are people way worse off than I. I know that nobody likes a whiner...

But I have to make a list of things that are chipping away at my sanity so that I can maintain some level of benevolence and peace in a tumultuous time:

1. Having my songs torn apart, limb from limb, leaves me feeling like an abandoned shoe on the side of the road.
2. Feeling the heavy anxiety of an upside down checkbook is filling my mind with sorrow that I dare not show.
3. Wondering if the person you thought you knew best, is actually making decisions you respect, has me feeling like a traitor.
4. Feeling close to God is my main goal, so when He seems far away it's brutal- like an alternate universe- one in which I don't belong, and don't resemble the person I want to be.
5. The "economy"....I am so sick of that word. From now on that word has no place in my mind. I will replace it will hula hoop.
6. In one week I will no longer be in my early twenties.
7. I need a good cry.
8. If my "ship" is in the harbor just circling before it comes in, I wonder why my life vest is still strapped on like a straight jacket.


And now a list of things to keep me waking up in the morning:

1. I have a place of peace, which I call home.
2. My bills are being paid.
3. I am facing fears everyday and people are finally starting to hear what I have to say.
4. God is blessing me, and he is humbling me- which feels a lot like preparation to meet opportunity.
5. I have someone I love unconditionally.
6. I have a j-o-b.
7. Busy is better than bored.
8. This too shall pass.


Ok. Deep breath.

I am going to keep rolling until the wheels come off.