I wouldn't call my self a relationship guru, however I may say that I am a fairly experienced dater. Even with this prowess I possess, thanks to multiple beaus in high school, long term relationships in college and yes, a few flings with the resident "bad boy", have led me to question what type is the best type?
First of all, as a married woman you may be thinking how scandalous it is to even pose such a question? But as a married woman I feel like I am the best person to ask such a question, since I am "on the other side of that relationship finish line". And besides I've already made my choice, so my pithy observations become somewhat benign. I've got some perspective, however narrow in scope.
Here's the deal, a friend of mine said something to me that struck a resounding chord, and I felt compelled to jot down a few thoughts on the topic just to get the reverberation out of my head.
My friend is a happily married mid-twenties professional with an attractive young wife, and he said, "You know, I think my wife and I may be too good of friends to have good sex."
Hold the phone!
Don't people say that you should marry your best friend? And don't people seem to think that just marrying for sex is a recipe for disaster? And if marrying your best friend makes sex something like hugging a teddy bear while eating ice cream from the carton, then maybe that isn't the quickest way to heat up the sheets. So what's a girl or guy to do, and who are we really supposed to be looking for? The real question may be how compatible is compatibility in marriage?
I've composed a few different scenarios for pure entertainment value. My own I guess. Please vote!
Who would you rather marry?
Scenario 1) Your Best Friend.
So I know I already touched on this a little bit, but just because some jack-o said that marrying his best friend has made sex a little too friendly, doesn't mean that looking for the qualities of a BFF in your future husband is such a bad thing. If you do the math, the time spent in the bedroom in comparison to the time spent watching movies, talking, cooking, laughing, running, sleeping, working, eating, and hanging is fractional at best. So you get all the benefits of living with your best friend, but you sometimes wonder if farting and peeing in front of each other may be just a tad too close for comfort.
Scenario 2) Your Physical Fantasy
So we all know what this type entails. He is the steamy, ultra-sexy guy of your dreams- physically. There is only one problem, you are the doormat and he is the studded football cleats. This is not to say that you can not be attracted to the right type for you. But if we are honest, our utmost physical fantasy doesn't seem to include the nice, humble guy who is willing to take out the trash and rub your feet while he shoots spreads for Gucci in Milan on weekends. This physical fantasy is the guy that takes more time getting ready than you do, and likes to pepper you will comments such as, "Are you really going to wear that?" and "Did you go to the gym today?" But some of us dig the distant moody type and besides, how's the sex? Fughet about it!
Scenario 3) The Safe Bet
This guy is kind, gentle and well educated, so who cares if he wears a few sweater vests every now and then? He makes a great living, adores you, and is always appropriate in social situations. No guesswork with this guy- he has his whole life planned out and is as secure as The Pentagon. He likes the symphony, culture, museums and The History Channel, and even plays Celine Dion over dinner without you having to ask. What more could a girl ask for? Who cares if you aren't attracted to him in the least? Who cares if his gentility has got you screaming for one fight? Just one! Country clubbing and expensive cars and wine, perfect. Good thing he doesn't know about your girls weekend in Vegas? Tequila shots are so not blue blood.
Scenario 4) Marriage? What is That?
It's no secret that less and less people are getting married, and more and more people are waiting longer to do so. Perhaps the staggering divorce rates that have plagued over half of the population are making us a little gun shy. Completely understandable. Or perhaps we are waiting for the perfect blend of fantasy and friendship to walk into our lives- idealism, gotta love it! Having our own space and our own identities apart from a wedding ring is absolutely desirable, even as a married woman I envy the freedom that single women have, but we all want to share our lives with someone- perhaps your cat Mabel is the companion you are looking for.
Of course this blog is in jest, but the lifelong search for our counterpoints or the lifelong commitment to stick with the one we chose, is the ultimate line in the sand. Our relationships can very much so dictate our worth, our sense of identity, and determine the paths in which we take in finding our place in this world. Who you choose to spend your life with is the most important decision you will make outside of choosing a career, a religion, or if you have kids or not.
Weigh in your thoughts on the survey, and remember that compatibility may just be a coping mechanism. Perhaps we are all odd-shaped jigsaw pieces that don't have any perfect matching piece. That's what makes love all the more interesting.
lcmind
10 years ago
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