Silly Slaps and Pants: Friday Fun

One of my best friends growing up, had a very strict family. The youngest of eight children, I remember that we would get in trouble for being "silly". I know, young girls are suppossed to be giggly, bad joke makers and crazy balls of pent up energy...not in this house!

It was almost regarded as a sin to be silly in this home.

I remember when our "fun" level would rise above hushed laughter and break into a giggle fest, we would get the bark from downstairs, "Girls, stop being silly! I mean it!"

This always struck me as strange. It was as if being "silly" was synonymous with swearing or smoking cigarettes behind the garage. We were just being dumb, all out, ridiculous- I considered it a rite of passage- being silly is a mild, normal, funny, snot-flinging, snort inducing, tear-jerking fun fest- and is something to be honored.

So in the spirit of embracing our inner silly, I wanted to post this.

I think that there is something about ridiculous words and phrases that can light up any day. A couple of words that I know when glued to any other, create a stream of nonsensical mouth candy. These two "stand outs" are the word Silly and the word Pants.

Those two words used before, after or in between create a smorgasbord of hilarity. Here are a few of my favorites, feel free to use them at the most inappropriate or appropriate times (note: not every single morsel of amuse contains the word silly or pants, that would just be overkill, and not every single morsel of amuse....amuses.) :

Silly Slaps
Crazylegs
Hoop it up (not to be confused with whoop it up)
Plumpy Pants
Sack of Silly
Pants Party
Felling pantsy?
Silly Rabbit, Pants are for Pigs
Ball of Fun
Slippery Slip
Plastic Pants
Old Candiddy
Pardon my pants
Silly Septum
Plink
Silly-istic
Pants-a-licious
Slap it to me
Slap the Pants off that
Poptastic
Sandusky
Silly McSillerson
Pack of Pants

and of course :
Sillypants

image courtesy of :sillygirldesign.com

Addendum...

It is the cure all...

Until the wheels come off...

I think I am hitting that point.

How can so many things be going right in my life and so many things be killing me at the same time?

I am blessed in so many ways. I know there are people way worse off than I. I know that nobody likes a whiner...

But I have to make a list of things that are chipping away at my sanity so that I can maintain some level of benevolence and peace in a tumultuous time:

1. Having my songs torn apart, limb from limb, leaves me feeling like an abandoned shoe on the side of the road.
2. Feeling the heavy anxiety of an upside down checkbook is filling my mind with sorrow that I dare not show.
3. Wondering if the person you thought you knew best, is actually making decisions you respect, has me feeling like a traitor.
4. Feeling close to God is my main goal, so when He seems far away it's brutal- like an alternate universe- one in which I don't belong, and don't resemble the person I want to be.
5. The "economy"....I am so sick of that word. From now on that word has no place in my mind. I will replace it will hula hoop.
6. In one week I will no longer be in my early twenties.
7. I need a good cry.
8. If my "ship" is in the harbor just circling before it comes in, I wonder why my life vest is still strapped on like a straight jacket.


And now a list of things to keep me waking up in the morning:

1. I have a place of peace, which I call home.
2. My bills are being paid.
3. I am facing fears everyday and people are finally starting to hear what I have to say.
4. God is blessing me, and he is humbling me- which feels a lot like preparation to meet opportunity.
5. I have someone I love unconditionally.
6. I have a j-o-b.
7. Busy is better than bored.
8. This too shall pass.


Ok. Deep breath.

I am going to keep rolling until the wheels come off.

Mountain Top Experience in the Valley of Mundane

Vinegar and Oil- A Recipe for Romance from a Relationship Novice

I make my own salad dressing.

As a retired personal trainer, yes, it was a long lived career- I used to watch every single condiment, protein, carb, calorie etc. Run 20 miles a week and lift at least 2-3 times.

Since I have hung up my ACE certified badge and threw out my S.O.A.R business cards (go ahead and laugh, but it was either that or Miss Fit Training...), I still am pretty good about the diet thing, but I give myself more freedom than I used to, and surprisingly all those fears surrounding "real food" and a day away from the gym have dissipated and I am a better, more well rounded, less obsessive, less critical version of myself.

But this blog is not about that. This blog is about this:

My salad dressing recipe:

2 TBSP of Olive Oil/Flax seed oil
4 TBSP Balsamic Vinegar
1/4 TSP Chopped Garlic
1 shake of Chili Pepper Flakes
Dash of Sea Salt
1 packet of Splenda

And while this recipe won't win any awards, (Although if I am honest I hi-jacked it from Piatti Ristorante in Seattle and plugged in my healthy substitutes) I am using it as a segue into writing about realtionships. Here we go, watch closely, here comes the curve. I have to warn you it's a stretch.

Whenever I make this salad dressing, it's the separation of the two main ingredients, the vinegar and the oil, that always makes me wonder why these two seemingly incompatible ingredients somehow go together so well.

They don't mix and become one with the other, they keep their own identity, but they co-exist. They are a perfect match to each other, and yet, by definition, opposites.

When the vinegar and the oil get shaken up, for a few moments they become one.

You see where I am going with this, right?

For the single gal, it is a guideline for looking for the right guy. He shouldn't demand that you change who you are to be the same as him. He should see your differences as unique unto you. You can be together, but separate in identity. I can not tell you how many times I have turned from oil into vinegar for guys that demanded it. You take oil away from vinegar or vice versa and you get an ingredient that can't stand on it's own.

For the girl in a relationship, this gives us hope. Sometimes it seems like we just don't get along, or that we come from two different worlds. Which in fact we do. The good news is that one's weakness is the others strength. And when things get shaken up, you rely on the other- and when the dressing is freshly shaken that's when the true flavors emerge. That's the good stuff.

The bottom line?

This recipe is a great lo-cal option for salad dressing.

And a thin atempt at giving a deeper meaning to my only psuedo-original recipe by trying to tie it to relationship advice.

It's Friday people....my brain is done.

The Most Beautiful Words in the English Language Part 4

144. nebulous Foggy.
145. nevermore
146. niveous Snowy, snow-like.
147. nobility
148. obsequious Fawning, subservience.
149. odalisque A concubine in a harem.
150. oeuvre A work.
151. offing That part of the sea between the horizon and the offshore.
152. oi
153. oleander
154. onomatopoeia The creation of words by imitating sound.
155. oriole
156. paean A formal expression of praise.
157. palimpsest A manuscript written over one or more earlier ones.
158. panacea A complete solution for all problems.
159. panoply A complete set.
160. paradox
161. passion
162. pastiche A mixture of art work (art or music) from various sources.
163. pavement
164. peace
165. peccadillo A peculiarity.
166. peek-a-boo
167. pelagic Related to the sea or ocean.
168. penumbra A half-shadow, the edge of a shadow.
169. peregrination Wandering, travels.
170. petrichor The smell of earth after a rain.
171. plethora A great quantity.
172. porcelain A fine white clay pottery.
173. potamophilous Loving rivers.
174. propinquity An inclination or preference.
175. pumpkin
176. pyrrhic Victorious despite heavy losses.
177. quintessential The ultimate, the essence of the essence.
178. rainbow
179. redolent Sweet-smelling.
180. renaissance
181. rhapsody A beautiful musical piece.
182. riparian Having to do with the bank of a river or other body of water.
183. ripple A small, circular wave emanating from a central point.
184. rosemary
185. scintillate To sparkle with brilliant light.
186. sempiternal Forever and ever.
187. sentiment
188. seraglio Housing for a harem.
189. serendipity Finding something while looking for something else.
190. shenandoah
191. shipshape
192. smashing
193. smile
194. smithereens
195. soliloquy Dramatic speech intended to give the illusion of unspoken reflections.
196. sophisticated
197. summer afternoon
198. sunflower
199. sunshine
200. surreptitious Sneaky
201. susurrus Producing a hushing sound, like flowing water.
202. sweetheart
203. sycamore
204. symbiosis Interdependence of two different species.
205. syzygy The direct opposition of two heavenly bodies.

Comments:
niveous- snow-like? I love how there are words in the English language that are "like" something else that would be more obvious to use. This word in a sentence would look something like, "Hey, Mandy it's snowy out here!" "Tiffany, (insert eye roll here) you mean niveous...my goodness Mandy. Get literate."
odalisque- do we really need another word for concumbine? I think one word pretty much covers it.
oi- sweet.
oleander- A poisonous Eurasian evergreen shrub (Nerium oleander) having fragrant white, rose, or purple flowers, whorled leaves, and long...charm is deceitful and beauty is vain.
panopoly- A complete set, I need a panopoly of socks. Mismatching is only funny when you don't have to wear mismathcing work socks to the gym. Dork alert.
potamophilous- "loving rivers"....this is funny to me- I wonder what the word is for those who hate rivers, antipotamophilous? Sounds like a Greek surname.
pyrrhic- "victorious despite heavy losses"...I wish I knew how to pronounce this word, because when you have no idea what to say to someone who is dealing with deep loss, this would be perfect.
scintillate- in other words...a sun-soaked Edward Cullen...(To sparkle with brilliant light)
seraglio- "Housing for a harem"? What is up with this list, concubine, harem... what's the dealio?
smithereens- like confetti, yippee!
susurrus- "Producing a hushing sound, like flowing water." Just saying this word sounds like shhhhhhhhh...this cracks me up. This word is a yoga video in and of itself.
syzygy- The direct opposition of two heavenly bodies- hmm...like Jolie and Pitt? *dumb pun intended

Cash Money- Bread from Heaven

I don't know what to say.

Thanks.

I mean.

Thank you so much!

Really?

Thank God!

Sometimes you just can't put gratefulness into words. Money is tight. I know it is for a lot of us. I know my story is not unique.

New Mortgage.

My Husband lost his job.

I had to turn down a great opportunity to be responsible.

My husband is still looking for work.

We are 3,000 miles from home.

The time line is running out.

The bills are still coming.

So, to say that I have been praying, learning a lot about patience, and feeling like a nervous wreck most days- is the truth. I keep on being told that I am being tested. We are being tested. Our faith is being put through the blender. I have to admit, I am not a good test taker.

In my household, this weeks pay period is the first one where we will feel the absence of our normal income. This is the time that I was hoping we would be out of the woods, and that there would a new job title for my man and he would have brand spanking new business cards in his wallet. But.....nope.

Isn't prayer supposed to work like a vending machine? You ask for something and God gives it to you right? Not exactly. Not at all.

So what's a girl to do?

Still pray.

Pray more.

And once again, I believe that God is provisional. I believe he hears.

The funny thing about answered prayer is that it hardly ever looks exactly like you want it to- it just gives you exactly what need. Cliche? Yup. Do I love that most cliche's are true? Yup.

This very morning, my husband got a large sum of money unexpectedly from an old employer. And when I say large sum...two mortgages worth of funds. The exact amount of money that we need to keep us afloat and keep our house in this unsteady and unpredictable time.

Naysayers, may say, well the money was there all along....yes it was.

They may also say, well good things happen sometimes...that's true, but the timing was so God-like. Down to the wire.

God provided. Prayer worked. And I am yet again in a place of awe.

We are not where I want us to be yet, we are still facing giants- my husband didn't get the job that I was hoping he would. I am still not fully secure, like I love being.

But this trail of bread crumbs that we are following, while laced with lessons, blessings, and bickering- is leading us to a place of trust. And for that I am thankful.

Oh and the money doesn't hurt either.

Jingle Jingle and The Absent Minded Professor

I love that line in the LIVE song, Lightning Crashes when he says, "her intentions fall to the floor". If you didn't listen to music during the grunge era, while wearing your brother's frayed jeans and Stüssy shirts you may not know what I am talking about. However, that line is a perfect description of how intentions can get gummed up, and sometimes we just have to let life be life, and let it teach us those lessons we need to learn.

For instance, this morning I was excited to wake up, have breakfast/coffee with my husband, pray for Obama, and feel generally happy and content with my life. I have been trying to be more spiritually plugged in lately- by saturating myself in great books that pump positivity into my veins and reading the Bible more as well as praying about life when it gets tough instead of pouring another glass of wine and saying, here's to coping!

So I was feeling a little invincible with my spiritual force field protecting me, my new way of looking at life firmly fastened to my retinas, and Jesus in my back pocket. And then the boom dropped....

I couldn't find my car keys this morning.

No big deal right? Minor problem. Nobody was bleeding, nobody was in pain, nobody was in real danger.

And yet I was running around like an insania (yes, made up), looking in the obvious places- the counter, my pockets (five different times), closet, my purse (five different times) and then the less obvious of places- the front door, in the freezer, in the trash, under the bed, in the garbage disposal, in the cat box...don't ask- but alas, no jingle.

In frustration and anger at myself, I ordered my husband "You are going to have to take me to work, I can't be late!"

And then this of course launched us into the conversation about me ALWAYS losing everything. In which we then dealt ourselves into the dreaded 'shame game' of him asking me when am I going to stop being so absentminded and me reminding him that I didn't do it on purpose.

And then he retorts saying I should have "asked" instead of "ordering" him. I imagine this looks something like me batting my eyelashes and hitting my knees in apology while I helplessly eek out, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience but can you please take me to work kind sir?" In which I respond to his request with a roll of my eyes and a curt, "Fine. I'm sorry." That never works by the way...bad idea.

We huff and puff our way into the freezing cold- pile into his ice encased Altima and have to pull some major car maneuvers to get around my car that was blocking him in. We sit in silence all the way to my job- my chest burning, my eyes gathering tears from frustration- why can't he just say, "Honey anything you need, I will drop it all for whatever you desire may be. I would drive you to the ends of the earth if it would make things easier for you." I mean is that really that hard?

As we were rounding the block and pulling up to my work, I was so upset. I tried praying the annoyance away but it wouldn't budge, I had tried sitting in silence as not to rock the boat anymore, but it was just making me feel worse. And I realized...I am human, and while I am trying to be better at managing my feelings and being a good wife, friend, employee, and Christian- I was not being a good example of anything- I was being S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N.

I was being a whiny little baby- as was he. Two imperfect humans acting human-riffic again.

I bit my tongue swallowed my pride, and said, "I'm sorry. Thanks for taking me to work." His face softened and he said, "Of course. I love you. "I love you too."

Door shuts. Crisis overted. Bridge mended. Argument over.

My perfect intentions fell to the floor with a crash, and humility and a renewed appreciation for grace rose from the ashes.

Boarding the elevator for another day of the same thing, I shoved my cold hands into my pockets.

Jingle. Jingle.

Eyes widen. Jaw drops. How in the.....?

Maybe God was playing hide and go seek with my keys trying to teach two bratty kids a lesson about meeting in the middle- or maybe, life is just life, and we lose things every now and then. Either way, I have never felt so happy to hear the jingle of my keys and to know that the key to unlocking our intentions is somehow always tied back to love.

This is what life is made of

Drudgery.

Pushing through.

Remaining faithful.

Boredom.

Ordinary.

Falling.

Getting back up.

Pulling on my coat.

Bearing the elements.

Saying sorry.

Gaining confidence.

Losing faith.

Reestablishing reason.

Smiling.

Making eggs.

Making dumb jokes.

Crying.

Clothes on the floor.

Cat hair everywhere.

Cussing.

Praying.

Making the bed.

Believing.

Hugging my husband.

Sleeping.

Rising.

Brushing my teeth.

Creating.

Listening.

Drumming my fingers on the table.

Waiting.

One of the things that makes life, well, life is the thick stew of circumstances that swirl around each one of us, daily.

Sometimes we can be at our boiling points, sometimes we are simply "simmerin' down now". How we handle heat says a lot about our character. I have to say my character is frayed and flawed under heat. I get irritable, impatient, selfish. I am aggravated by silly things that don't matter, while there is so much more need in the world than my own.

Even though life can be so mundane it can be magical.

Even though life can seem dismal, all it takes is one fragmented shot of light to turn the night into day.

While this is a little heavy for a morning blog, some days feel like work. For me, my tires seem worn down today. Sometimes our schedules become dictators of our happiness, and I refuse to put my worth in something other than Providence.

We are all made for something bigger. Here's to wading through the puddle in the path to get to the ocean of possibility.

Happy Day!

Tug* Tug* "But why?"

I have had this image in my mind for a few days now.

A little girl in a plaid jumper with braided pigtails is pulling on her mommy's apron. Her face is thoughtfully twisted in an expression of puzzlement over an equation way beyond her ability to solve. And the mother looks down with understanding eyes. The child with wide blue eyes can not resist innocently, curiously and poignantly stuttering, "B-b-but, WHY?"

I feel like this little girl. When we were young it was expected and encouraged that we ask why of everything and anything. When we get older, I am not sure if we ask why enough. Sometimes we get caught up in the flow of life and we just go where the wind leads. How much does intent color the spectrum of our existences? If we are disconnected from our intentions, do our actions lose cause and just become chasing after wind?

I think all of us have a unique shaped key hole in our hearts that can only be unlocked by using the gifts and talents that God has given us to give to others, with the motivation being to bring life and inspiration to those who need encouragement.

It sounds so easy written out in words, right? Just go out there and give of your life to others, unselfishly...well, life makes it difficult for us to live so harmoniously- so selfless. Life makes it difficult to stay true to our intentions and firmly aware of our motivations. Especially for so many of us that have aspirations in the field of arts. Our celebrity obsessed culture tells us we are unsuccessful if we do not have Grammy's, Pulitzer Prizes, Academy Awards and countless other accolades lined up on our mantle displaying our greatness.

Whether that be music, writing, photography, art, or even more vocational callings- nursing, motherhood, receptionists. There is so much of us in what we do, that sometimes we forget that to give is to gain. I am pointing the finger at myself right now and vigorously shaking it.

So much of my daily life is spent in the quiet of everyday responsibility. These dreams and goals that I have for myself are far removed, hanging in the abstract of my normalcy.

I find I am most fulfilled when I am giving of my time, investing in others, stepping outside of selfish ambition. Which I never do enough of. Chasing after my wants because I think I deserve something more than the blessed life I am living right now always leaves me deflated and discouraged.

If we were all made to do something, then shouldn't we ask ourselves periodically, "But why?"

Even though you may know without a shadow of doubt what you were made to do, and what you should be doing with your life, it can only help if we humble ourselves, quiet ourselves, and stare our hearts down and ask the why question honestly...

Finding out WHY I desire a certain path for my life, makes getting there more destiny and less simply, me.

Photo Courtesy of LeLe Green Photagraphy

The Most Beautiful Words in the English Language Part. 3

105. if
106. imbricate To overlap to form a regular pattern.
107. imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.
108. imbue To infuse, instill.
109. incipient Beginning, in an early stage.
110. ingénue A naïve young woman.
111. inspissate To thicken.
112. inure To jade.
113. jejune Dull; childish.
114. jonquil
115. kangaroo
116. lagniappe A gift given to a customer for their patronage.
117. lagoon A small gulf or inlet in the sea.
118. languor Listlessness, inactivity.
119. lassitude Weariness, listlessness.
120. laughter The response to something funny.
121. liberty
122. lilt To move musically or lively, to have a lively sound.
123. lithe Slender and flexible.
124. lollipop
125. loquacious Talkative.
126. love
127. lovely
128. lullaby
129. luminous
130. luxuriant Thick, lavish.
131. marigold
132. meandering
133. mellifluous Sweet-sounding.
134. melody
135. mignonette
136. missive A message or letter.
137. mist
138. moiety One of two equal parts, a half.
139. moment
140. mondegreen A misanalyzed phrase.
141. mother
142. murmuring
143. myrrh

Comments:
if- I absolutely agree that this is one of the most amazing words in the English Language. It creates endless possibilities for anyone who chooses to believe that anything can happen if you believe.
ingenue- This drums up an image of innocence. Which, "innocent" by the way, didn't make the "I" list! Hmmm...not happy about that.
kangaroo- another discrepancy with this list....there is no other K words listed?? What about kryptonite, kabob, kaleidoscope, kamikaze, karma, Kauai, kazoo.....? You get the point. K words are just too much fun to not include.
lagoon- this word is a languid retreat into the depths of cool water- ahhhhhhhhh. While, in the dead of winter this may not seem so refreshing, it is a great mental escape for those of us in cement prisons, shackled by our Macs and to-do lists.
lilt- rock on.
love- over-used and misunderstood? Yes. But, this word is our soul's most powerful component. It captures a snapshot of heaven in this fallen world when we actually get it right. Awe-inspiring.
lollipop- yummy.
mignonette- Anything that makes me feel like I can speak french is beautiful in my book. Vinegar and shallots anyone?
moment- If anything can change in one of these, bring it on!
mother- we all have one...and some of the lucky ones can make this word synonymous with best friend.

Bible readers, check it!

If you happen to be a Bible reader, check out Jeremiah 17.

My soul has been a little torn lately, this passage is beginning to stitch me together.

Here's to giving up, and starting anew. : )

Have a great evening.

The Most Beautiful Words in the English Language Part 2

40. damask
41. dawn
42. delicacy
43. destiny
44. desuetude Disuse.
45. diaphanous Filmy.
46. diffuse Spread out, not focused or concentrated.
47. dulcet Sweet, sugary.
48. ebullient Bubbling with enthusiasm.
49. effervescent Bubbly.
50. efflorescence Flowering, the opening of buds or a bloom.
51. elixir A good potion.
52. elysium Any place or state of perfect happiness; paradise.
53. emollient A softener.
54. encomium A spoken or written work in praise of someone.
55. inglenook The place beside the fireplace.
56. enthusiasm
57. ephemeral Short-lived.
58. epicure A person who enjoys fine living, especially food and drink.
59. epiphany A sudden revelation.
60. erstwhile At one time, for a time.
61. eschew To reject or avoid.
62. esculent Edible.
63. esoteric Understood only by a small group of specialists.
64. eternity
65. ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.
66. etiolate White from no contact with light.
67. evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
68. explosion
69. extravaganza
70. exuberant Enthusiastic, excited.
71. fantastic
72. fawn
73. felicitous Pleasing.
74. fescue A variety of grass favored for pastures.
75. flabbergasted
76. flip-flop
77. foudroyant Dazzling.
78. fragile Very, very delicate.
79. freedom
80. fugacious Running, escaping.
81. fuselage
82. galaxy
83. gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.
84. gazebo
85. giggle
86. glamour Beauty.
87. golden
88. gorgeous
89. gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider's silk.
90. gothic
91. grace
92. gracious
93. gum
94. halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.
95. harbors of memory
96. hen-night
97. hiccup
98. hilarious
99. hippopotamus
100. hodgepodge
101. home
102. hope
103. hush
104. hymeneal Having to do with a wedding.

Comments:
damask- isn't that synonymous with Old Spice? And if so...I'm sorry. Not beautiful.
ebullient and effervescent - both point back to bubbly- I can't help but love the happiness that both of these words provide. Celebrate!
efflorescence- Hands down...one of my favorite words of all time. To bloom is to grow in the most beautiful of ways.
elysium- Absolute happiness...I have to say the letter E is rocking my world.
inglenook- Besides this word being awesome as it describes "the place next to the fireplace" which I would call the floor, or the wall- I am pretty sure that it doesn't start with E.
esoteric- so this word is reserved for only a small group of specialists, but is that the definition or is this special force of "esoteric" gurus the only people that hold the key to understanding it?
fugacious- Spell check doesn't like this one, but to escape...ahhh, lovely!
halcyon- A bright spot in my day.
hymeneal- What in the world? This is something having to do with a wedding...I'm concerned. This seems a little graphic for the wedding party. Yikes!

Noisemakers

Clamor to Clang
Everyone look at Me
No other reasoning
For fame

Envy, greed and Cash
befriending backlash
Every duplicate stays
The same

Motive to move
laced by the proof
that we all have lost
our way

Complicated still
I wonder how to feel
'neath this shift
In sand

Jade and Apple red
A palette of underfed
shrinking violets none
Can't fade

I bloom underfoot
a daisy to a stem
Happy to be kept
a lone blade

Holding hands
with heavenly hosts
ushering in ghosts
Unnamed

Hold me close
as I break it open
the shallow inside
This day

God is my idol
Addicted to the call
bending the rules
I pray

Being Bulletproof
is still unsafe
It's the bend to break
I betray

Clamor to Clang
It's all the same
I zip it up
and walk away

I am uncool, and I can prove it!

I am so tired of trying to pretend that I am, indeed cool. I am a dork, through and through, and I think for 2009 I am going to embrace that fact and celebrate it.

I am always so impressed by those people who know obscure bands. Those that can wear skinny black jeans and pierce their noses. I look ridiculous in skinny jeans, (and who decided to call them that anyway?) they make me look like a bow-legged shrimp and I swear they employ the opposite of skinny to my thighs. Oh and I had my nose pierced once but because I am a weenie, took it out before my dad saw it- so hardcore.

So, the veil comes down and here it is:

I am a farm girl at heart. I like country music. I grew up watching musicals. I sometimes watch old Disney cartoons on Friday nights, and I watch the entire Shrek Trilogy religiously.

I know, dorky.

I just discovered Kings of Leon which I thought was a metal band originally. Can we say, late bloomer? And I get scared if any music sounds "garage band-ish", I prefer girls singing about the sky and their feelings.

Although I do own all of Nirvana's albums I can only accredit that to my Seattle upbringing, which in turn, may be the coolest thing about me.

While I like hip shows like Weeds and Six Feet Under, I would take a marathon of Property Virgins over either any day.

I don't own designer clothes and if I did they wouldn't look right on me. I have tried those Seven jeans on and I don't know if its my hips or my soul's aversion to cool, but they don't work on me. Muffin top central.

I like ruffles.

I like going to sleep early, being in bed at 9:30pm with a good book, is not short of bliss.

I think that the Shopaholic series is a good read, and I can't get through a classic for the life of me. I blame the farm.

I like to dress up- even at casual occasions.

I wear Converse only because they were on sale at TJ Maxx.

I don't have any tattoos, although I have been in the chair a few times and chickened out. One tattoo artist in Venice Beach told me that if I had a tattoo as small as I was asking for it would turn into a mole in a few years and turned me away.

My first kiss was behind the snack shack at Bible Camp to a chubby kid named Jesse.

I am slow at getting jokes.

I laugh at my own.

The Most Beautiful Words in the English Language Part 1

I stumbled across this lovely list on Listology. This is just Part 1 A-C

adroit Dexterous, agile.
adumbrate To very gently suggest.
aestivate To summer, to spend the summer.
ailurophile A cat-lover.
amaryllis Bulbous plants which have large red or pink flowers.
anemone Any of various plants of the buttercup family, having petal-like sepals.
aqua A light greenish-blue color.
asphodel Plants having white, pink, or yellow flowers in elongated clusters.
banana Herbs having a crown of large, entire leaves and a hanging cluster of fruits.
beatific Befitting an angel or saint.
beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.
blandiloquent Beautiful and flattering.
bliss
blossom
blue
bobolink
bubble
bumblebee
butterfly
caliginous Dark and misty.
camellia
cerulean
chalice
champagne An effervescent wine.
chatoyant Like a cat's eye.
chattanooga
cherish
chiaroscuro The arrangement of dark and light elements in a picture.
chimes
choas The exponential divergence of two arbitrarily close points in phase space.
cockle A heart-shaped bivalve or a garden flower.
coconut
colporteur A book peddler.
conflate To blend together, to combine different things.
cosmopolitan
cozy
cuspidor
cute
cynosure A focal point of admiration.

Comments:
amaryllis- while I do love this word, it's description may hold one of the uglier words in the English Language: bulbous. Yuck-o.
ailurophile- It means cat lover, and I am sure it rolls of the tongue like smooth butter...but the suffix "phile" makes me shiver just a little.
bobolink- Love it!
chatoyant- This is "like a cat's eye", unless you are describing a jewel I wonder when you would use this word. Makes me laugh.
cockle- Not so sure it's beautiful, but fun? Um..yes.
colporteur- I would like to think I am one of these, book peddler's, what a great trade.
cozy- One of my absolutely favorite words, and proof that good things come in small packages

Image Courtesy of Oh Joy! Blogs

Reality Check- the people have voted.

Do you ever get the feeling that despite the pseudo-personal connection that the internet provides through the virtual chloroplast of Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, that we are in some ways fanning the flame of fabricated interconnection?

It's like the witness protection program, we can all hide behind cute profile names and witty banter, while not really having to invest in people personally. Don't misunderstand- I love hiding behind different persona's and snooping around these online yearbooks, it's like spying with a backstage pass. Besides how else would I have known that the paste-eater in my third grade class would turn out to be my mom's veterinarian- let's hope that glue wasn't a gateway drug to start sniffing Lassie's formaldehyde.

I guess my point is, while we can assuage our conscious by saying that we commented on so-and-so's profile- does it actually qualify as a substitute for a flesh and blood phone call or a face-to-face over coffee?

I can't help but notice that my generation is privacy obsessed. For instance, if I were to pick up the phone and call someone, is that crossing some kind of boundary? To me, sometimes it seems invasive. How "friendly" do you have to be with someone to graduate from online to real life? Has virtual reality made the art of conversation nothing more than a "lazy man's letter"- a series of back and forth, tête-à-tête where we no longer stand on our own two feet but we rely on the font-friendly social crutch of texts and one liners?

For me, it's becoming a wheelchair! I love words, I am much better at commenting and writing letters than talking on the phone. Phone's make me nervous, and I am somewhat of a fast talker- I am constantly getting caught in that "talking-over-you-talking-over-me" thing- it's exhausting.

Which leads me to this: If I add up all of my "friends" online I have a total of 1,773. Whaaaaaa?? And yet when I look through my phone I have a total of 40 contacts. Granted, I don't want to have over 1700 numbers in my phone, but the fact of the matter is this: internet friends are somewhat like high school friends. You all hang out at the same place but when it comes to showing up for an event that you post, or reading your blog, or commenting your status, it's just too big of a school for everyone to care.

Egocentricity is king these days, so I decided to run a little experiment with my online clout. Aside from my fellow bloggers, who are all so diligent at reading each others blogs and encouraging each other to keep on being creative I wanted to recruit all of my "friends" online to see what kind of turn out I could get for my marriage blog/survey.

The jury is in... a total of 11 people voted. And that's just about right. If you can get 11 people to take a minute out of their day to read your sporadic, typo-ridden, "look at me, look at me!" ramblings, I'd say that's pretty good.

Here's the people's vote: Marrying your Best Friend is the way to go by 64%. My advice is this: If you are going to marry your best "friend" make sure you get a real proposal, and not via text or an online "gift" digital ring in your inbox- which may be the next wave of humanistic abandonment, God forbid.

I hate to say this, but "virtual" friendship is just what the dictionary says it is: "noting an image formed by the apparent convergence of rays geometrically, but not actually, prolonged, as the image formed by a mirror (opposed to real)." Not real. Hmmm...

So call someone today, hug someone, or write a good old fashioned letter. Technology is great, but investing in those REAL friendships, much better.

Sex, Marriage, and Surveys...Welcome to Wednesday's Scandalous Blog

I wouldn't call my self a relationship guru, however I may say that I am a fairly experienced dater. Even with this prowess I possess, thanks to multiple beaus in high school, long term relationships in college and yes, a few flings with the resident "bad boy", have led me to question what type is the best type?

First of all, as a married woman you may be thinking how scandalous it is to even pose such a question? But as a married woman I feel like I am the best person to ask such a question, since I am "on the other side of that relationship finish line". And besides I've already made my choice, so my pithy observations become somewhat benign. I've got some perspective, however narrow in scope.

Here's the deal, a friend of mine said something to me that struck a resounding chord, and I felt compelled to jot down a few thoughts on the topic just to get the reverberation out of my head.

My friend is a happily married mid-twenties professional with an attractive young wife, and he said, "You know, I think my wife and I may be too good of friends to have good sex."

Hold the phone!

Don't people say that you should marry your best friend? And don't people seem to think that just marrying for sex is a recipe for disaster? And if marrying your best friend makes sex something like hugging a teddy bear while eating ice cream from the carton, then maybe that isn't the quickest way to heat up the sheets. So what's a girl or guy to do, and who are we really supposed to be looking for? The real question may be how compatible is compatibility in marriage?

I've composed a few different scenarios for pure entertainment value. My own I guess. Please vote!

Who would you rather marry?

Scenario 1) Your Best Friend.

So I know I already touched on this a little bit, but just because some jack-o said that marrying his best friend has made sex a little too friendly, doesn't mean that looking for the qualities of a BFF in your future husband is such a bad thing. If you do the math, the time spent in the bedroom in comparison to the time spent watching movies, talking, cooking, laughing, running, sleeping, working, eating, and hanging is fractional at best. So you get all the benefits of living with your best friend, but you sometimes wonder if farting and peeing in front of each other may be just a tad too close for comfort.

Scenario 2) Your Physical Fantasy

So we all know what this type entails. He is the steamy, ultra-sexy guy of your dreams- physically. There is only one problem, you are the doormat and he is the studded football cleats. This is not to say that you can not be attracted to the right type for you. But if we are honest, our utmost physical fantasy doesn't seem to include the nice, humble guy who is willing to take out the trash and rub your feet while he shoots spreads for Gucci in Milan on weekends. This physical fantasy is the guy that takes more time getting ready than you do, and likes to pepper you will comments such as, "Are you really going to wear that?" and "Did you go to the gym today?" But some of us dig the distant moody type and besides, how's the sex? Fughet about it!

Scenario 3) The Safe Bet

This guy is kind, gentle and well educated, so who cares if he wears a few sweater vests every now and then? He makes a great living, adores you, and is always appropriate in social situations. No guesswork with this guy- he has his whole life planned out and is as secure as The Pentagon. He likes the symphony, culture, museums and The History Channel, and even plays Celine Dion over dinner without you having to ask. What more could a girl ask for? Who cares if you aren't attracted to him in the least? Who cares if his gentility has got you screaming for one fight? Just one! Country clubbing and expensive cars and wine, perfect. Good thing he doesn't know about your girls weekend in Vegas? Tequila shots are so not blue blood.

Scenario 4) Marriage? What is That?

It's no secret that less and less people are getting married, and more and more people are waiting longer to do so. Perhaps the staggering divorce rates that have plagued over half of the population are making us a little gun shy. Completely understandable. Or perhaps we are waiting for the perfect blend of fantasy and friendship to walk into our lives- idealism, gotta love it! Having our own space and our own identities apart from a wedding ring is absolutely desirable, even as a married woman I envy the freedom that single women have, but we all want to share our lives with someone- perhaps your cat Mabel is the companion you are looking for.



Of course this blog is in jest, but the lifelong search for our counterpoints or the lifelong commitment to stick with the one we chose, is the ultimate line in the sand. Our relationships can very much so dictate our worth, our sense of identity, and determine the paths in which we take in finding our place in this world. Who you choose to spend your life with is the most important decision you will make outside of choosing a career, a religion, or if you have kids or not.

Weigh in your thoughts on the survey, and remember that compatibility may just be a coping mechanism. Perhaps we are all odd-shaped jigsaw pieces that don't have any perfect matching piece. That's what makes love all the more interesting.

The Comfort of Complacency

The New Year has begun, but if I am honest, it feels overwhelming. The truth is that every New Year feels that way to me. It's easy to figure out why, I blame my blind ambition. I make a goal list every year full of inexhaustible, uncompilable, over-achieving lofty aspirations, which one could never complete in one year let alone a decade.

All of those goals I didn't reach; those triathlons I didn't run, the number one song I didn't pitch, the writing contests I didn't enter, the novel that is still stuck in neutral- it's all these little missteps that cause me to once again reevaluate my life and wonder what goals should I make this year? Instead of making goals like, starting my own magazine by traveling around the world recruiting investors and learning two new languages it will be something like...read more books that aren't written by American authors or drink less diet soda.

You see, this time- and this year I want to be able to wake up on January 1st of next year and feel accomplished and progressive in my own behavior and thoughts. So this goal list for 2009 will be things I can and will actually do. So when the first decade of the New Millennium rounds itself out I can say , "Look, I did everything I wanted to in 2009", even if that means that getting nominated for a Pulitzer falls from the list with a thud.

There is something to be said for stretching yourself, and pushing yourself to do more than you thought you could, but there is also a joy in realism. When you come to a place that is in juxtaposition between the two, it is then that you can enjoy little victories which over time compound into larger ones.

So for my simple little self here are a few things that I would like to accomplish this year:

1. Be content with my life on a daily basis. This will look something like: don't curse the gods when those lopsided burners inside my oven burn up every pizza we make- instead, just eat the unburnt side and be happy that we even have a working oven.
2. Be thankful more and think about my self less, and stop wondering "What am I doing with my life?" (Since I don't want this to end up on the things I didn't accomplish in 2009, because how impossible is it for a melancholy artist to not ask such a question, I will change it to " What can I do today that will add value to the quality of my life?".
3. Enjoy coffee, but have at least one cup of tea a week coupled with a good book in my favorite chair.
4. Write a whole lot of awful songs to completion. I am notorious for stopping mid-way through a song when my I realize how ridiculous and awkward the progression is- Oh and I need to stop worrying that someone has bugged my house and will post the whole lot of melodious crap on You Tube.
5. Call my husband by his nicknames even when I am angry. They are so silly, that I am pretty sure I would crack up right in the middle of an argument if used. Relational tension diffuser? Create stupid nick names. (ie: Beanser)
6. Give myself a break. If I don't make it to the gym, or if I have a chocolate craving that I cave in to or drink too much wine- I refuse to berate myself. Guilt is sooo 2008 and I am leaving that one behind.
7. Stop hiding out in the comfort of complacency. I may work forty hours a week but I am tired of using that as an excuse to not be creative, play gigs, write stories, paint canvases. I have the rest of my life to get good sleep (giving up sleep is a huge sacrifice for me), so I need to do other things outside of my comfort zone this year that don't involve coming home, hitting the couch, watching TV and zoning out.
8. Stop thinking about going home. I am in Nashville for a reason and with a new home, there is no point in fantasizing about a place that isn't the way I remember it as being. Home will always be there for you, but adventure? Well, that is a destination that few ever find.
9. Money comes and money goes. Bottom line. Don't waste any thoughts on worrying about money.
10. Take better care of my skin. Drink more water. Floss every night (hmm...at least four times a week).
11. Dance.
12. Learn to cook.
13. Don't expect anything, just enjoy surprises as they come.
14. Throw out all of those clothes that I am hanging on to because they used to fit...like um, seven years ago. Just toss them and embrace the new me.
15. Laugh at myself more.
16. Stop relying on other people to make me feel important.
17. Cry when I feel like it.
18. Use real butter.
19. Get nervous more often. This usually means that I am doing something unfamiliar, and that's always a good thing.
20. Pray constantly.