Do you ever get the feeling that you are meant for more?
Do you ever wonder when "more" will show up?
Do you ever wonder if and when "more" shows up if you will be in the position to grab it will all your might and never let "more" go?
I know I am meant for more...but I have no idea how much more, or where this more is going to come from, or what it will be exactly.
What I am doing in my life right now is completely unbalanced. I am 95% responsible, accountable, safe, predictable and well...boring. And then there are those delicious, rare days when my inner artist breaks free from her dormancy and I become rambunctious, excited, creative, wiley and I feel like myself again..but that's only 5% of the time.
Today, I have done absolutely nothing to use the gifts I have been given. Not to mention I have been in a rotten mood, so I haven't been very sunny in my little corner of the world today.
I keep on telling myself I have SOOOO much to be thankful for. Which I do.
But do you ever feel like the closer you get to "more"- the quicker and more urgent the escape from the "less" you have become, screams out? This last month I have had quite a few, surprising, lovely, God given "more" moments, but I am just holding my breath afraid that all of it will just fade away. That I may not get any more "more"...why am I so afraid?
Because without those little nuggets of hope and inspiration in my life...I wither. I have been withering away for some time now, all of last year if I am honest, but I am finally opening myself back up again. I gotta say- it's scary.
I don't like my place in this world. I need to grow. Progress. Change.
I need a panoramic scenery change. I wish my life was like one of those red view finders that I used to have as a kid. My favorite picture wheel was of Disneyland. I would yank down on the side hammer and with a single "click" I was no longer in Frontier Land but BAM!- Adventureland.
Look...I know that life is going to be a lot of valleys and only a few mountain top views...but today I feel like I am in a canyon.
I need God to provide a way out.
It is in His hands, and I completely trust Him.
Today is just one of those days, where "more" is missing and "less" is standing right in front of me.
This is just a little prayer from the real me, meekly asking the Big Man for some more "more". Whatever that may be.
Amen.
1 comment:
I love this post. I am constantly feeling a wee bit unfulfilled even when I have many, many things to be thankful for.
I think, on a positive note, it is good to always want "more." It means you expect the best from yourself in your life. I just expect TOO much from myself in my life too quickly.
I hope you find your "more"-whatever it may mean. :)
-ali
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