Breakers and Builders

Today is the "official" domestic release of my record, One More Broken String. Which is funny to me, because today is just like any other day. No paparazzi, no champagne toasts, just ringing telephones and clicking keyboards. Not that I expected anything else.

In one word this is how I feel today: weathered.

A little threadbare around the edges.

Which has led me to redefining what art is to me- and in turn- who is and isn't allowed to define who I am.

Do you know what I think is the most abstract thing about art of any medium? It has nothing to do with the art itself, but what people think about art- their drawn conclusions about other people's perspective.

If I blow my nose in a rag and then paint it blue and hang it on a canvas....I would imagine that to some, that is considered art.

If I write a mush of nonsensical words and post it on my blog and call it a poem, then I have exposed my 7 followers...(yup, I am kind of a big deal) to nothing but syllable soup.

My opinion on art is this: True art is when the motivation to create is purely rooted in the achievement of an audible/visual stance on a specific belief.

So why I write music, blogs, books, paint, sing, run, laugh, kiss...all of it should be hedged in by my beliefs. The constant tension within me, between living and pretending, defines if I am genuine in my art or just creating cheap knock-offs.

People can smell genuine from a thousand miles away.

For some reason, unfortunately, there are those types of people who will use any and every opportunity to employ egocentric pontification in response to your art, even if you are genuine.

This is something that I have never understood, but have since accepted as a necessary flip side to the coin of creation. I have even found that criticism in most cases has truth in it, but not edifying truth.

For anyone who has ever opened themselves up to public opinion regarding their creations, which I have done on a consistent basis since I was 17 (to the point of wondering if I am crazy to put myself out there anymore)- you have to know that there is some good that can come out of any critique.

If you are humble enough to accept it...which has been a constant struggle for me.

I think my favorite criticism was during a competition when I was introduced like this: "This is Megan, and nobody likes her." Hmm...okay so that wasn't even a real critique but more so a public scorning.

The good that came out of it? I learned a valuable lesson: there are people who's opinions are not meant to build but to break.

There are two kinds of people: Breakers and Builders

People's opinions of our art matters, we can't get around that, but since art is just an extension of who we are and should not define us entirely, an opinion is just that- theory.

I was just telling LC the other day that sometimes I feel like my current album is a finger painting that I decided to bring home to my parents. And while my mom (who will symbolize the nice critics) is "oohing" and "aahing" over my efforts like any good mama will do, there is a handful of folks (naughty critics) that have to point out where my color palette is lacking, where the sense of movement is lost among the clumsy, chubby- fingered finger strokes and why I should just toss it out instead of displaying it on the fridge.

Yes, I am likening my music to finger painting, because that's what it is. A novice record. A first timers attempt at making songs. It's clumsy, but it's me...to a point.

I am clumsy, I am unskilled, I am imperfect. But I am willing. I am heartfelt. I am honest with myself. And I learning to be obedient to God, when I want to run and hide.

Putting your art out there feels a little like high school.

Personally when it comes to my "high school" -I've heard it all whispered in these metaphorical halls of outside opinion- "She is the Next Best Thing", some have said, "Don't ever sing or write a song again", and others?, "You should try out for American Idol!" (These people have great intentions (C), but to be honest the people who try out for American Idol are ten times more gutsy than I will ever be.)

The truth is this, I am a pebble in the rock quarry of talent. Of this, I am acutely aware. I do not think that my music is the best music in the world. My ultimate goal is not to be the "next biggest thing" to get chewed up and spit back out on music row, my motivation for writing has never been to please but more so to pursue. I want to build.

So what is my motivation?

To not give up on myself. To not treat myself like common trash on the side of the road (first person to comment where that quote is from gets a gold star). My songs are a personal memoir of musical progression. It is creative exercise. It is worship to God.

There you have it.

Breakers knock you down and Builders give you a hand up.

It's that journey from dusty knees to standing your ground that make the process, painful at times yes, but oh so worth it.

Surround yourself with Builders if you can- and those Breakers in your life? Let them go for good! They will have no trouble finding another pebble to crush.

Keep on creating, because we all have something genuine to give- blue snot rags and all.