Back from the Dead

Since I have become a "blogger", I have been very dedicated to my blogdom. I have been very good at tending to it, thinking of things to impart while driving, coming up with topics when I am on a jog, looking at things through the eye of my blog lens- but I haven't been so good lately. Because out of the blue I was knocked off the face of the earth, my blogness was shaken, my routine high jacked by mucinex and coma-like slumber.

And so now with shaky fingers, tight in the knuckles from lack of use, I will attempt to get back on the blog wagon. Giddyup!

My yucky sickness, which I am almost 100% recovered from, had me not short of bedridden. (which is a term I hate, it makes my bed sound like one of those raunchy mechanical bulls). But now that I am done with being in and out of my drug induced slumbers and am through blowing into a thousand unsuspecting tissues and am finished drinking my body weight in Nyquil, I am back.

Back to work, Back to reality, which leads me to wonder if I am really back from the dead at all.

Here is the deal: I can't help that my blogs hinge on spiritual pondering, not because I am such a deep person, but because I find true fulfillment in being close to God. And so here I go again, I am trying to figure out what it means to be a woman of God. I want to live above the fog of subconscious living, and stop drifting. I want a soul drenched pursuit of God- but I am stuck in the real world, in the office, where routine is king and detours are inconveniences not adventures. How do I become a successful woman in God's eyes?

I have to say that I haven't had very many good examples.

I can't help but picture "godly" women as shy, permed, flower jumper wearing, home-school moms who pickle their own beans and only watch black and white movies on Saturdays. I don't think being godly means being irrelevant and archaic. There's nothing wrong with those kinds of people, but I could never be one.

I was wondering this lately since I had the privilege to be in a music video recently for a band called Building 429. It was a very dramatic role in this video, I cry, I fall down in the rain, I am basically a mess. I worked on that video for 12 hours straight two days in a row...did I complain once? Look at my watch once? Wonder when I could go home and crawl in my PJ's and veg?

Nope.

Even when I got home for the shoot, I was alive, even though I was exhausted. My brain was all lit up and I couldn't stop thinking, thanking, and being happy. I was abuzz, and I knew just the reason why.

I was acting again. I was being creative. I was in my element. I was worshiping.

That word, worship, always freaks people out, but I love it. It is a scary word if you think of it in the sense of strangely robed men dancing around a flame and chanting while they burn incense, but for me worship is just a humbling attitude, doing something you do well for the benefit of others.

And this leads me back to the basics.

I may be "back from the dead" physically, but I am still working on becoming a woman of God spiritually.

When this idea about becoming a woman of God came to me, To be honest, I was hoping to find some Bible verse that would command me to quit my job in the name of the Lord. I was hoping I would stumble across some verse that says..."thou shalt quit thy job and spend days sipping on wine, painting, singing songs in the quiet of my home, while watching old movies and napping everyday at 3pm."

I didn't find that. Quite the contrary.

I found instead, in Proverbs 31 that a godly woman is busy, she works with her hands, she creates merchandise, she even plants a vineyard (Go wine!) But she does it all with a heart full of worship.

And that's where I am at. Truly loving and cherishing the creative moments that I get, however brief. And then in the down time (which is most of the time), I will staple, hole punch, type and file with one eye open...so that when another chance comes along to feel truly alive, I won't be dead to the world.