Drowning on Dry Land

So I survived the holiday season.

Deep breath.

And now here comes the new year. There are so many things I am looking forward to and yet so may things I am afraid of in the next few months. Uncertainty (financially and vocationally) has made me somewhat of a basket case, but instead of me using that electric nervousness to be some kind of creative outlet, I am just trying to shush it away and just revel in the normalcy that is my everyday.

I can't help but wonder, not only what happened to all of those big dreams that I used to have, but even more so the firm belief that I was without a doubt going to achieve them. I truly believed that my abilities would take me somewhere...somewhere further than my routine, and now I am not sure what I believe.

One of the joyous things about family Christmas (sarcasm intended) is the incessant asking about babies. Yes, I know I have been married for going on two years and maybe a family someday would be nice...but kids? Now? That isn't my plan...although I guess getting married fairly young wasn't either.

Moving to Nashville just to work forty hours a week and not pursue music? Well...that is more of an obligation than a decision. Should responsibility override passion, and if not how come it is so easy for me to let it fade? Laziness, fear? Probably equal parts of both.

While all of this may sound like whining, because well it kind of is, it's more so a reflection of my self slipping out of my mid-twenties into my late twenties and thinking I should be more "me" now than I have ever been, but sometimes I just feel like a stranger to myself.

I guess the good news is this: the fat lady hasn't sung and who knows maybe my ship will still come in...I think getting my butt off the shore should be the first step.

Deep breath.

New Year's Resolution Number 1: Make 2009 the year I finally jump in head first.

New Year's Resolution Number 2: Don't fall victim to Al Green's lyrical genius as I refuse to be peer pressured into becoming one of those "babies having babies", I have a lot of dreams to chase down, so I am going to put me first for quite a while.