Skip a Beat

Life is so short. (so much so, that I am not going to take the time to figure out how to remove that annoying little box!)

This is something I have always known, but try not to spend too much time thinking about. Why focus on the end when I am barely over my quarter-life crisis? Well...I think in order to truly enjoy today you have to realize how small our lives are in scope.

This is not a blog dedicated to morbidity, but more so a rambling about the simple truth of supply and demand. There is a HUGE demand for full life, but the supply of days well, it doesn't equate.

I consider myself a content person, despite how I was raised- basically tattooed with Dale Carnegie slogans, "Dream Big!" "Never Settle!" "Go the Extra Mile!" "Do Something Everyday You Don't Want to Do!"

But if I look at my life through that lens, there are things I am "settling" for out of responsibility. Does that make me a failure? I sure hope not.

I know those types of motivational slurs are intentioned to inspire, but the truth is they tire me. I have done so many things in my life that I didn't want to do that I got to the point that if I was relaxing or enjoying myself I was worried I must be missing out on some big opportunity. Since being in Nashville, I have learned to slow my roll. I have learned to sip ice tea...not sweet tea, but I am getting the sipping part down.

My Seattle self was always in a hurry, impatient as all get out, and somewhat of a perfectionist. I needed to enjoy life more.

Because it's not about the doing, the pushing, the getting ahead- it is more so about taking a deep breath and enjoying the view while you can.

Truth be told, I was raised in a family where I thought I was special. Different. Going places. And, while I have "gone" places, there is a suffocating danger in that mentality. In retrospect, I spent the majority of my early twenties always peering over the horizon to see what tomorrow might bring, and today just became a stepping stone to that next rung, that next accomplishment, that next quantum leap. The next city.

Let me tell you what I have learned by exhausting myself in that way...it's meaningless.

Sharing wine with friends, watching shows, playing shows, writing thoughts, creating art, napping, talking, singing, laughing, playing games, meeting new people, reaching out to old friends...not for cash, not for pats on the back, but for the sheer joy and fulfillment that comes along with finishing and the complete renewal that comes from beginning.

For the first time in my life, I am enjoying every day. Not because everyday is wonderful- last night I ripped my favorite sweater, my expensive laptop crashed, and I am working more than full time- but I am truly enjoying the little gifts that life has for me.

I do think about the unlived lives that I still have in my veins, the dreams that still are hanging on that star I wished upon like 10 years ago, but that doesn't depress or discourage me, it makes me think that even though today may not be the best that there will always be moments of beauty to look forward to. Life hasn't let me down yet, it drops me on my head every now and then, but there is always something redemptive about the crash. Always.

I am now going to go for a run in this beautiful Nashville weather and then off to drink beer and hang out with my husband. And that my friends makes my heart skip a beat every time.