Labels and Fables Kind of Life

We have pretty severe thunder and lightning storms in the south. So much so, that I have grown somewhat accustomed to them, and no longer call my mom in fear or force my cat to cuddle with me.

However, in all of the times that it has stormed, I have never had the power go out.

Last night it did.

The funny thing is that when the lights flickered and went out, I didn't do anything. I didn't move, and instead I just sat in the dark for what seemed like ten minutes.

Humans have such an odd response system when met with unexpected change. I have never been in a severe car accident but I have had friends that have. They always say that everything goes in slow motion, and yet while everything seems to be standing still they can't even find the time to scream. The have no reaction, they just surrender to the inevitable.

So they do nothing.

It's that whole going into shock thing.

While the power going out isn't something that tossed me into a state of shock I didn't respond. I didn't immediately get up and grope around for a lighter or try to find my cell phone to use as a nightlight.

I just sat. Still and stunned.

Beware: this is going to get dramatic, so I should to apologize in advance. In these past few months I have neglected myself. I have turned myself off. I am living in a blackout.

I have drained out my own creativity in fear of it drying up on its own and am just reveling in the rinds of that forgotten fruit.

The strange thing is that I am not the only one.

As I was leaving the gym today I studied all the people passing me by. The ones who were alone walked with their heads down; kept up with their swift stride keeping themselves company with their own thoughts. The ones that were with other people, were more animated, laughing, and making small talk.

Both were pretending.

How many of us, if nobody was watching would scream out in frustration on the street corners?Or would talk to ourselves frenzied and crazed like the addicts and the homeless, because we are so tired of nobody truly hearing us?

I know I would. Sometimes I am afraid I actually will at really inopportune times, like when I am at my desk or in the middle of a nice dinner with people that buy into the whole labels and fables type of life.

I am easily sad. I think I tend to look at the darker side of joy more often than not, but I find that only happens when I turn myself over to faking it. When I forget that there is more to life. When I forget that God made me for a purpose.

I have been forgetting that too often lately.

I know that God's reason will find me. Or more accurately I will finally allow myself to see it, but until then I will settle for silent screams and perhaps a conversation or two with myself in the car.

If you get the chance this week to be real, to answer someone honestly about how you are and how you are doing I encourage you to take it.

White lies are just white noise, and I think there are some of us who just need to speak up in order to be heard.