I am not wealthy.
Not by any means.
Despite that fact, I somehow got talked into going to a financial planner last night to, shall we say, asses our assets.
I felt so strange sitting cross-legged from two men in suits- both of which were suffering from a severe case of "facial fidget". One raised his eyebrows to make a point. The other twisted his face every three minutes, looking as if he had popcorn lodged in every single one of his molars. While the florescent lights gleamed off of their sweaty brows I could see myself in the overly polished banquet table, my fingers fidgeting- my mouth dry from boredom.
I wondered if I looked as young and frugally clueless as I was. I wondered what they were truly thinking about their jobs. Were they happy? Did they buy into the product they were selling, or did they get home at night and down a six-pack to get the stink of desperation off their clothes.
I am not bad with finances, I just have no idea how to invest. I associate the word investment with risk, and I am not a risky person.
After these two gentleman had spent enough time placating us about our interests- feigning attentiveness to my dwindling music career and offering unduly inquisitiveness to Stephen's small and antiquated portfolio- I heard him ask me, "So, where do you see yourself in 3-5 years? What's most important to you?"
This is where I have two answers. One I think. And one I say.
My mind reacts first and rushes to answer.
"Honestly, I see myself further immersed and ever-exhausted from the never ending march that is growing up. I am sure I will have some kind of job change- elation followed by disappointment. Which will be subsequent to a round of writings that I attempt- yet never finish. Reinventing myself by means of regression, I suppose. We will still be getting by, but we won't be getting anywhere."
But instead of being so dark, so brash, so frank- I bat my eyelashes, grab my husband's hand and say what I know they want to hear.
"Well I want to be a mother soon and work from home. So I am hoping to have a book published by then, or at least a steady freelance gig. I know that is never a reliable profession, especially with little ones pattering about. So I am most interested in security. Security and reliability."
Really?
And it all sounds so neutered. It all sounds so benign- what of adventure?
I remember a movie in the '80s called The Adventures in Babysitting. I believe Elizabeth Shue was in it. Anyway, somehow they get wrapped up in some kind of Mafia deal, since they venture out of the 'burbs and head to the Big City.
What I find most strange about these types of films, is their definition of adventure.
Let's see, any other examples?
The Adventures of Indiana Jones, hmm...drinking snake's blood? Yep. Dangerous.
How about, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? Time travel in a phone booth is very dangerous- there are no inflatable flotation devices or lights that lead to exits.
And of course Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Being a revolutionary vying for tolerance in the throes of a racist society at the age of thirteen? While I reckon you could get hanged for that, son.
Adventure is always associated with danger in Hollywood- it's the same in life. That's why so many of us don't take one.
I guess my point is this.
I don't have any fool-proof strategy for my finances, or for my life. All of those air tight approaches, like IRA's, 401K's and mutual funds, or job securities, insurances for your insurance, kids on leashes, and swallowing all of your wants in the bitter name of need- it isn't the way we were meant to live.
The idea of planning is flawed. Because we plan ourselves right into skepticism. We plan our lives around the hope that wealth will replace the natural appetite for invention and ingenuity. We are all given the tools to create our own adventure from birth, and yet we choose to set it aside for a time when the risk is lower- a time when the people who we don't want to disappoint won't be.
If we are planning for a plan- that is what we will get. The blueprint of a life- without building one.
This isn't entirely remediable, unfortunately.
We do not live in a two dimensional world.
We live in a world that is hinged upon any and every person we see, meet, love and avoid. Our summation of day-to-day viability is a complex math problem that is divided by an infinite amount of variables.
Turn left? You get the kids.
Turn right? You get the job.
Forge ahead? Who knows.
Maybe we shouldn't worry about sticking to the plan. Maybe we all need to stand on the edge of reason now and then- just to be reminded how far we would have to fall to fail.
The truth is- plans are what fail.
But adventure?
Now that is a strategy.
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